My life. My body. My right.
Doing this podcast was one of the scariest things I've ever done. Not only did I decide to go behind a mic to talk about my experience and all the embarrassing, no-pride-attached moments that went with my abortion, but it just so happened to be regarding one of the hottest, most controversial topics in the political, social, and religious worlds. I was inviting a conversation to start regarding my experience. So many thoughts started circling through my head: who all is going to listen? what will they think? will talking about this ruin my friendships, my work, my family? what will they say?
I would be lying if I said those things didn’t scare me. You see, coming out and talking about something that everyone seems to have an opinion on is totally scary. I think that what is most important to me, however, isn’t my experience or what people are going to think of me - What really matters is those who have been through similar experiences/are going to go through something similar, feel as if they have support, off-hand stories and a brief idea of what they may experience (or already have). I don’t want to sound as if I have all the answers; trust me, I do not. But what I did gain from having my abortion is a deeper understanding of myself, my body, and the world that surrounds me. And for that, I am so incredibly grateful.
At the end of the day, people are going to have an opinion regarding you no matter how hard you try to avoid it. Sometimes it’ll make you feel good but sometimes you’ll feel like a complete piece of shit as well. Honestly, if you don’t go out there and do what you need to do FOR YOURSELF… why are you even doing it?
After the podcast, the guys and I were talking and we realized that we didn’t talk about my opinion on kids during the recording. Most people think that people who have abortions hate kids or never want to be a parent. That they didn’t want a kid for selfish, stupid reasons. That they are murderers and sadists and just overall shitty people. Those things don’t depict me. That isn’t who I am or what I want. I have a degree that works with children and families who come from all sorts of socio-economic backgrounds, and I am super excited to have a kiddo of my own one day. However, that “one day” isn’t right now for me. I did not choose to have an abortion because I was embarrassed, afraid or felt pressured. I didn’t choose to have an abortion because I was scared as to what people would think about me. And I sure as hell didn’t make my decision because I wasn’t in a stable relationship and felt I needed someone else to be my co-parenting partner. I made my decision because it’s my body, my right and I simply knew I currently could not provide a child with the proper nutritional needs and financial support it would need for its development. Having a child would be unfair to that child for a million reasons that I do not need to state or justify.
Honestly, I’m so proud of myself and am so grateful to live in a country & have a support system that encouraged me to make a decision for myself that I would be happy with. Although the decision wasn’t easy and the experience was life-altering, I am so thankful that I this has helped me shape into the person I am today.
Thank you to Sickboy Podcast for letting me share my experience, and a HUGE thank you to all of you who have loved and supported me when it would have been just as easy to call it quits on me. Thank you. <3