The Anatomy of a Motorcycle Crash
One of the things I learned in my life is that change doesn't always take time, it can come in a flash when you least expect it. Most days when I wake up there is a few minutes where my body feels semi-normal the pain is not as strong. In these moments sometimes I tried to remember what it was like before my accident and before all the pain. The moment usually does not last long as soon as a go to move I am fully aware of my body's absorbed abuse.
In 2009 while riding my motorcycle I was hit by an SUV, I don't remember the accident all I know is from what I was told by my friends who were riding with me that day and family members at the hospital. I was told by my friends at the accident that as they ran up to me I was trying to get out and shake off the accident and they had to hold me down. I was extremely lucky and can't say enough about the medical staff that helped me through all of it, I couldn't have done it without all the efforts of the doctors in keeping me alive. From piecing me back together, stopping the internal bleeding, performing a skin graft, and talked me through the decision to remove my left eye in order to preserve what was left of my right eye.
I don't think I'll ever forget the early days after the accident realizing what had happened to me and the extent of the damage. Laying in a hospital bed not be told to move with my jaw wired shut, rods coming on my pelvis, my left hand in a cast, my right leg in a cast, I could not see more than a few inches in front of my face and very dark. Through it all I don't know where it came from but I've always had this motivation that I was never going to let anything get the better of me I was going to win. I think it was my blinded determination and family support kept me pushing. Once I was moved to the rehabilitation centre after spending months in the QE2, I was given the chance to start to learn to walk again. I remember sitting on the edge of the bed the day they came in and asked me to stand up with the help of Walker I was so nervous that I was going to fall flat on my face with my legs giving out from months of atrophy. It surprised me the way my legs semi-worked and I was able to do with the support of the Walker stand up. I did not move much that day but definitely felt excited. After a while of slow progress I remember walking around the floor with my walker and cousin beside me and we passed by rooms with other patients i remember noticing the patients younger than I am and worse off than I was and I kept thinking to myself how could I ever feel sorry for myself knowing that eventually I would be able to walk again while some will never walk again. The more I became mobile and was able to travel through the hospital, themore I realized how lucky I was that whenever I felt like a woe is me moment was arising, I would quickly push it aside remembering what others I had seen in the hospital were going through.
Ever since my accident I have not had a year without multiple surgeries it seems my life has been a constant stream of surgery then repair followed by then get ready for the next surgery. It seems like just when we think the last surgery is behind, the something new arises that has to be taken care of. It's hard not to get frustrated once again I rely on the fact that I was not supposed to make it through this that I was not supposed to do this well and I am doing better than most thought I ever would aim to keep proving them wrong. The accident has left me with lasting scars visible and invisible from the damage to my face to the skin graft on the left side of my body from my armpit to the bottom of my head. The nerve pain was the unforeseen complications after the accident. Or the paying of the weight of my face with all the metal it took to put you back together. Now during the winter months I have to fully wrap my face to shield her from the coal having all the metal holding me together attracts cold but a metal spoon in your freezer my face gets icy cold sucking in the freezing temperatures.
I do the best I can to live the healthiest life I can to keep my pain down. Managing my pain has become a full-time job. From making sure I listen to my body to pick up on this increasing pain. To being proactive and keeping my body moving. I try to use all the tools available to me like the osteopath, the gym, meditation, physio-, yoga, meditation, medication. At times it feels like the weight of the world is pressing against my body but the only choice I see is to push back, I know that sounds corny.