Do brains Come With Receipts?
If so, I’d definitely return mine.
I am not too good with words so I will try and keep it brief. Long story short, on my eighth birthday I wasn’t feeling well so I went to lay down in my Mother’s bed. While on the phone with my Grandmother, I ended up spewing the Wendy’s I ate earlier that evening all over my Mom’s bed. My whole family was in the room to witness the ordeal. Their gut reaction was to laugh and mine was to curl up into a ball from embarrassment. Somewhere deep down in my subconscious, my brain told my body I would never barf again.
From that day on I have developed quite the fear of getting sick. Every twinge in my stomach, muscle ache, sore throat or itchy nose sends me into panic mode. I started washing my hands to the point of bleeding. Hand washing was the only way I could be in control over the germs.
When people think of a Hypochondriac they think of someone who thinks they are always sick with Cancer, ALS or some sort of disease that will end up killing them. I, however, always think I have the stomach flu and any kind of flu. If anyone is sick around me, or if someone posts a status on Facebook saying they are sick, I will beleive I am coming down with whatever they have. I stress about it so much, I usually stress myself ill anyway. It’s an awful cycle.
As a musician, thinking you are always going to barf is quite the dilemma. Basically every time I take the stage I think I am going to barf all over it. I have played hundreds of shows and it has never gotten easier for me. I have learned to cope a little bit with it. Some shows are easier than others. Every show I play I need an escape plan. Just in case … You know, I spew.
Because of this, I named my band The Hypochondriacs. I started writing songs about being mentally ill, but most of the songs are your classic heartbreak country tunes. When I panic on stage I convert it into either screaming or dancing around like a lunatic. The name started as a joke but it stuck.
I hope one day it will all just go away, but for now I will just power through. The saying goes the show must go on. We have an album coming out in september which means touring, which means a lot of shows, which means a lot of panic. Pray for me.