I wanted to talk about my experience with Schizophrenia because I stayed quiet throughout the important years fighting this disease alone, when I should have voiced it more when I was in the middle of it. What has happened to my mother is the biggest tragedy of both our lives, her struggle with this disease has been fiercely crippling and I will love and miss her to no end.
Fade out and in to a room full of loudly talking people; they manipulate my beat-up body and take x-rays, whilst talking among themselves about coffee and mornings, as I lay sobbing in pain and confusion on the table.
“Guys like curves” my mom joked as I cried in the doctor’s office at 13 years old. I was diagnosed with scoliosis at 10 but this was the first time the word “severe” was tacked on. I had just found out that I needed to start wearing a back brace.
My vision loss allowed me to focus and see the blocks in my life. I am simultaneously continuing to search for new ways optimizing/biohacking my inner world and outer worlds to maximize my potential as a loving human being.
There is a lot of crossover between what Sickboy is about and my podcast, Pondercast. Both are trying to get at what matters - at the deepest feelings and fears we try to ignore (only to have them blow up our lives at the most inopportune moments!)
At one point in the recording (as you’ll hear), Jeremie says something to the effect of: “So, being confined to a wheelchair.” In this moment, I immediately corrected him and asked that he call me a “wheelchair user”. He apologized and corrected his language.
If I could travel back in time to when I was 23, and newly diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, the first thing I would tell my younger, stupider self would be to, "Pour one out for those cargo pants. You don’t need pockets on your knees. You have, like, 16 bags."