Newly Widowed - The Wife of Layton Reid

One day, shortly after we began producing Sickboy in 2015, I became incredibly frightened. I had just found out that we would be sitting down to have a conversation with Layton Reid about what it's like to know that you're waiting to die. I was terrified. 

What do I know about death, or talking to someone about it, or talking to someone who KNOWS that death is waiting for them in the not so distant future!? I was scared. I didn't know how to hold myself, what questions I should or shouldn't ask. Is thought to myself  "This will show me who I really am. This is a test. One that I signed up for willingly. Go be human."

An hour and a half later, we rose from our seats, turned off the mics and saved our recording files. Who am I? I'm someone who can carry on with fart jokes and weird sexual innuendo with a dying man. But hey, it's not all that hard to stay light and smiling when the man you're talking to is Leyton Reid. Leyton was a transformative force for Sickboy. He came into the studio, sat down at the mic, and unbeknownst to us, molded us like clay into the show we are today. We are forever in his debt. 

When all was said and done, we were ready to leave. Just then, Leyton asked  "My wife Candace and my son Finn are here to pick me up. Would you like to meet them?" The thought broke my heart. I just overcame one of the greatest challenges of my entire life. What am I going to say to his wife and son? These two humans that love this man with their entire being. 

I didn't have the chance to find the levity and the laughter in that second encounter. Luckily, we found our way back to a conversation we all knew we had to have, and I couldn't be more thrilled that we did. The way in which Candace is navigating her way through the grief of losing her husband is formidable. As all things in life ebb and flow, I am sure her grief is no exception, but the foundation of her perspective is inspiring. I will never forget this conversation. 

- Taylor MacGillivary

Sometimes life throws you a curve ball. Being a widow and single mom at 36 is definitely one of those moments. It's hard losing the love of your life...your soul mate, if you believe in that sort of thing. You can become depressed and bitter. A case of the "why me's" can set in. but at the end of the day it doesn't do you any good. So I'm focusing on being grateful. Being grateful for the amazing man I was so lucky to have spent my entire adult life with. He taught me to be more adventurous, to worry less, and how to enjoy life.

I'm also thankful for this beautiful boy that he gave me. Finn. Finn gets me out of bed in the morning and shows me pure love, kindness, compassion and empathy that I didn't know a three year old could have. We talk about his dad together, look at pictures and remember the good times. You'd be surprised what he can remember at this age. Hopefully he will still have those memories in years to come. But for now, we don't worry about that. We focus on being present. How will we have fun today? What kind of pillow fort does he want to build? Does he want to go to the playground or collect pine cones in the yard? It's the little things that are important. He knows that, and I'm learning that too. So on the days that my heart aches a little more than usual, and I'm feeling a bit alone in this world, I think of these two and I'm grateful. 

Thank you Layton and Finn for being my loves, my teachers, and my everythings. xo

- Candace Reid