From Silence To Happiness

I was once asked “what was it like to hear your voice for the first time?” 

I was seven, and I finally decided it was time to speak like most people, it was time to stand my ground, and live the life I truly deserved. I had struggled with the inability to speak; it is a rare type of anxiety that is called Selective Mutism. 

I never wish it upon anyone to feel ashamed of their voice, to mute themselves, to be afraid of their shadow, to hide away from the world because the fear of being seen is too overpowering. 

I like to think of it like this… I made myself invisible, the world carried on; while I watched, absorbed, belittled myself, and swallowed my words, as if my voice meant nothing. 

So, what was it like to hear my voice for the first time? 

Frightening. 

Fucking scary. 

Empowering. 

It was that moment, I then had realized that I am here, I am here, I am here, and I am not going anywhere. It was that moment I had risen to my fullest potential, I had made a conscious choice, that “it is this very moment that I will no longer remain the mute girl but become the women on fire, and with a purpose.”

It took a while to understand this purpose of mine, until I was sixteen and begun writing my book: “I Am Not Your Average Teen.” Which I mention 11 tools/steps that saved my ugly, confusing, terrible teenage years. 

It wasn't easy to find my voice, experiences had shaped and shifted my view on life. I had run out of many high school classes in tears because my teacher had called me to read a paragraph in front of the class or shaking and almost vomiting because I had to do a presentation in front of the class (but of course, I somehow made my way out of it.)  

See, this is the thing… I may had found my voice at seven, but this wound stayed within me, remained a part of me- always leading back to my voice isn't good enough, and what I have to say isn't worth it.

Maybe I’ve found it again, but I do know this will be a lifelong journey. 

Your voice matters. If you think for one minute that you are not worth being heard or seen then I’d like you to know- that is BS. I hear you. I truly do. The question is really do you hear your own voice? 

Brittany is an 18 year old author and public speaker. Her book is titled I Am Not Your Average Teen. Check it out on Amazon or at www.brittkrystantos.com